Jan 01

The first day of 2015.  Yea.  A time of rebirth. A time to make some resolutions for positive change in our lives.  Give it a couple of weeks, suckers, and we’ll all be right back to where we were a month ago.

You are not going to lose that weight.  You are not going to be find ways to be more financially successful.  You are not going to give up your bad habits.  I’m not trying to be negative, I’m just trying to help you out with a little bit of honesty.  If we were all able to keep our new year’s resolutions, we’d all be skinny, healthy people rolling in cash and skipping out the door to work every morning.  Have you taken a look around?  Have you been to Walmart on the first weekend of the month?  No one really keeps his or her new year’s resolutions.  Okay… maybe I’m trying to be a little bit negative…

Why not make resolutions you can actually keep?  Why tell yourself that you are going to lose twenty pounds, and then actually gain five pounds by May, and then tell yourself that you can’t wait until the end of the year so you can make another resolution?  For me, I’m resolving to gain weight.  I’m currently hovering at an unhealthy-for-my-height 200 pounds.  I’ve been telling myself that I can lose weight if I do this or if I do that.  Problem is “this” and “that” suck.  Eating less sucks.  Exercising more sucks.   Eating less of the good food sucks, and eating better sucks.  Eating what I like doesn’t suck.  Not exercising is pretty awesome.  I know that eating what I like and not exercising will result in weight gain.  So, my resolution is to gain weight.

I resolve to gain twenty-two pounds by the end of 2015.  That would put me right at 222 pounds which feels kind of lucky for some mystical reason… I think because it’s all twos.  Twos are kind of cool.  And you know what, I’ll enjoy keeping this resolution!  There will be no sacrifice.  There will only be a lot of sitting around eating stuff I like.  How can this be a lose in any way?

“You have to sacrifice to improve,” says the whiny little scrub in the back, “no pain, no gain.”

What a crock.

Don’t listen to those who tell you that sacrifice is required to lead a satisfying life.  What do they know?  Sure, living an unhealthy lifestyle may not lead to a long life, but who cares?  Are you really that happy with your life that you want to extend it so you can be a miserable old person who yells at the kids for being too loud with their “fun” on a hot summer day?  Is the early bird special really that attractive to you?  Does the thought of going to bed at 7 pm and getting up  at 4 am in any way, shape or form seem desirable?  Do you really want to get to the age where it seems appropriate when someone asks you how you are doing to tell them about all of your maladies?  Good grief, 50 is just a few years away for me, and I’m dreading it like the plague.  Maybe if I gain enough weight in the next couple of years, I won’t even have to look that evil beast in the face!

Life is short no matter how long it actually is.  Someone who lives to the age of 100 is still just a flash in the pan of history.  Might as well live your short little life with as much joy as possible… and if that means scarfing down on Whoppers and fries at BK, or eating a few slices too many from your favorite pizza place, or skipping going to the Y for… ever… so be it.  Quit letting guilty pleasures make you feel guilty.  Just let them be pleasures.  A good way to start is to set resolutions you will actually enjoy keeping.

I’ve been thinking of ways to get a niche with this blog, which is why I haven’t written posts for so long.  I think I may be on to something: giving really bad advice!

Happy New Year!  Who’s on-board to gain that weight with me?

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