I Hate the Holidays…

Yep, you read right: I hate the holidays.  By “the holidays,” I mean the season starting right around Halloween (which I know isn’t a real holiday, but that’s when this all starts)…

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… and ending shortly after the champagne is drained on New Year’s Eve.

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I hate this time of year.  Not that I don’t appreciate things like Christ’s birth.  You know, He went on to die a horrible death on a cross for our sins!  His is a birth worth celebrating.  It’s not that I don’t need to show my appreciation for all that I have by gorging myself on turkey and mashed potatoes and pecan pie… I do that just like I’m supposed to.  The reason I hate the holidays is because the holidays are a two-month extravaganza leading to the ending of another year.  The holidays are also the beginning of a new year that is supposed to hold new promise and hope for great things to come.  Whatever…

Being an old pessimist, the ending of a year means another year of exactly what I expected: nothing spectacular.

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I spent about 35% of my waking hours in 2011 getting up much earlier than I cared to and going to a job.  I sat at a desk and talked with people who were upset with their Internet service, tried to manage a small cast of characters, and had any creative marketing idea I came up with shot down faster than the boss could say, “I’m not feeling it.”  I think a funny YouTube video with a grandma, an alien,  a “probe” and Internet would be hilarious and create much interest in our Internet services.  The boss disagrees.  Whatever… it’s his company.  If he wants to keep it a “family-friendly” local business, that’s his choice.  I guess my ideas are better for a national (or even world-wide) audience.  My thoughts are too grand for Crapbraska.

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After work, I almost daily went to the YMCA to do some cardio, which I recently discovered was pretty much worthless.  Even though I worked my butt off at the Y, I didn’t lose a pound (apparently everything on my butt went straight to my gut), and I still found myself going on both high blood pressure and cholesterol medication this past year.  I’m destined to be a fat person who doesn’t quite fit in…

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At this point, it should be fairly obvious that a large portion of my life is nothing more than a huge waste of time.  That’s always gratifying… knowing that a large portion of the time you spend breathing air is nothing more than time spent stealing air from someone who makes a difference.

So, the holidays do nothing more for me than remind me that I spent a large portion of the year not mattering.  See, an optimist may find that realization a little depressing; for a pessimist, it’s the status quo.  Long live the pessimist, usurper of the air of people who matter!

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Thus, what the new year holds for me is little to get excited about.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Such is life.

The great thing about being a pessimist is I know exactly what the new year is going to bring… no pleasant surprises.  And if there is a pleasant surprise, it will be just that: a pleasant surprise.

The sucky thing about being a pessimist is I know exactly what the new year is going to bring…

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…happy holidays, or whatever…

2 thoughts on “I Hate the Holidays…”

  1. Most of the great things in the world were built by people who didn’t matter; most wars were won by people who didn’t matter; most necessary jobs are done by people who don’t matter–I don’t matter. . . so I must be doing great!

    Re: the ennui of everyday life: if life were exciting, great works of literature, great musical compositions and great works of visual art probably would not get produced. Why would anyone have invented fireworks, roller coasters or sexy lingerie?

  2. I must have much, much more information than most.

    Rodger, nicely put. I enjoy fireworks, roller coasters, and sexy lingerie. Although not particularly in that order.

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