Parenthood #1

Apparently my wife feels the need to be teaching our 6-year old son about how a checking account works.  He and the wife were out shopping recently, and he wanted the wife to buy him something.  She told him, “We don’t have enough money.”  When the wife finally finds what she is shopping for and gets to the checkout, she writes a check for the last couple of dollars in the account to purchase this necessity.

My son, being brighter than the average bear, looks at the wife and says, “Why can’t you just give ‘her’ one of ‘those’ (‘the checker’ a ‘check’) for what ‘I wanted’ (‘some unnecessary toy… most likely Pokemon-related’).”

Well, the wife goes into a long spiel (I actually wasn’t there… but I know the wife… and long spiels are definitely in her repertoire) about how there has to be money in the checking account in order to guarantee that the store will receive funds to cover the purchase and the transaction is completed in an ethical and legal manner.  Of course, I wasn’t there and  I’m paraphrasing something that I found out after the “fact”… and I’m sure the entire conversation was much more kindergartenish… ’cause he’s, you know, six.  I am almost positive that something was lost on him in the translation of mommy-speak-to-kindergarten-mind, because of the “fact”.

The “fact” is that tonight, Sonny Boy came up to me and said, “Hey Dad, do ya know what’d be cool?”

Always looking for something cool, I replied, “What?”

“Wouldn’t it be cool if you could write checks for stuff!”

Amused at his nativity, I looked at my kindergartner and replied, “Yeah, Buddy, you actually can write checks for stuff.”

“Yeah,” Kindergarten-Boy responds softly,  first looking at his mom from the corner of his eye and then at me, “but without any money in the checking account.”

I was completely shocked.  I didn’t know what to say.  This boy is only six!

You come to a point in your life where you realize that all is not as you believed.  Somehow, time has slipped by and you find that life has become more complicated than you could have ever imagined.  I came to the realization that there is a question that must be answered:  how in the crap does my 6-year old son know how a checking account works?

“Yeah,” I said to Mr. Kindergarten in an equally soft voice, “that would be cool.”

My boy looked me straight in the eye.  His big brown eyes seemed to actually shine as if some inner light were attempting to break through the translucent goop that makes up his eyeballs.  Again, he glanced at the wife from the corners of his eyes and his voice became even softer as he spoke:

“When I grow up, that’s what I’m gonna do.”

Tears immediately filled my eyes.  I rushed to my little warrior and held him close.  This was the proudest moment I have shared with my youngest soon-to-be-felon since his birth.  He has something I never had.  He  has a goal… a plan.  Ok, yeah… it’s an illegal plan, but it’s a plan none the less.  His old-man never had a plan for anything.  The boy was going to go far… as long as he could avoid an extended prison sentence.

I have never been so proud…