Stinking Flu Season 40 :(
Nov 20

What’s the deal with this year’s “Winter Oreos”?  My wife recently bought a pack of Winter Oreos because our whole family loves nothing more than chocolaty wafers stuffed with sugar-enveloped lard.  Mmmm.  What strikes me about the Winter Oreos is the color Nabisco decided on for the lard filling.

What colors do you think of for winter?  I think, of course, of white, but the filling in an Oreo is normally white, so that wouldn’t work for a “seasonal variation.”  Blue also comes to mind (I don’t exactly know why… I think it’s because companies market winter stuff in blue; you know, like all the stupid snowman decorations with the blue hats and blue scarves… you never see snowman decorations with a scarf that happens to be a lovely shade of chartreuse.)  One color that doesn’t naturally pop into my head for winter is… red.  Nabisco has decided that red lard is a good way to represent winter?!?  Does anyone get this?  Seriously, red = winter?!?

I’m reminded of my days hunting as a young man with my father in western Montana.  Early morning, before the sun’s up, nestled in a patch of juniper awaiting the sun and the coming of the deer.  The sun peeks over the horizon, casting brilliance on the snow-covered ground but leaving the air frigid; and here come the deer.  Shots ring out and the deer scatter, leaping with unrelenting fury away from certain death… except for the one unlucky chap who takes a slug through the spine.  The hit deer falls immediately and is still.  My father and I approach the motionless, warm body.  As we approach, the large buck’s head moves ever so slightly in our direction.  The buck’s eyes, open-wide and full of fear, lock on my father and me.

“You gonna take care of him?” asks my father.

My shot is the one which struck true. I unsheathe my hunting knife and kneel beside the paralyzed buck.  I make it fast, slicing quick and hard at the throat of the deer with my sharp knife.  A flood of warmth bursts over my hand as the buck’s large eyes roll back into its head; his head relaxes as his last breath escapes his mouth in a mist of white against the cold Montana air.

I stand back and observe the scene.  The buck, almost a winter’s worth of meat for our family, lies still.  The blood from his throat slowly stains the surrounding snow crimson.  And all the while, I’m thinking to myself, “Oh, oh, oh, ice -cold milk and an Oreo cookie.  They forever go together, what a classic combination…”

Seriously… red and winter?!?  I think the folks at Nabisco are just cheap.  You know they are going to have red filling at Christmas (and probably at Valentine’s Day), so instead of having to mix up a batch of blue lard, they just started the red Christmas (Valentine’s Day) lard early and think we consumers are retarded enough that we won’t question what red has to do with winter.

Well for you, Nabisco, I am seriously questioning the red!

4 Responses to “Winter Oreos?”

  1. Lee Says:

    when did dad take you hunting in western Montana? Or did you mean Northeast Montana.
    I suppose the genius that picked red just looked at a christmas tree and picked one of the colors of the lights. I await your next blog.

  2. Judy Says:

    Eeeewwww! My husband tells me deer don’t fear or feel pain, so quit being so dramatic!:)

    Yeah, I agree with the duo-holidays for the coloring–it is a recession!

    Can’t wait to see you!

  3. Adventurer Rich Says:

    Lee… I never went hunting with Dad in western MT… but “Northeastern MT” sounds almost as lame as it is :) Judy… Mike lies :)

    I don’t really expect to see any “Christmas” Oreos. Just trying to make some funnies and… well… I like writing about blood;) The red in the “Winter” Oreo represents the red in Santa’s garb (part of the traditional red and green brought out at Christmas.) Of course, the red in the clothing of good old St. Nick is symbolic of the blood of Jesus that spilled for the sins of all who believe. So, in essence, Nabisco is trying to sell to Christians by alluding to the blood of Christ. They will never actually mention “Christ”… or, most likely, “Christmas”… because that would not be politically correct. They wouldn’t want to piss off the muslims (yeah, I know it’s supposed to be capitalized… I refuse to capitalize a religion that wants me dead) by alluding to Christian Deity. Instead, they throw a little red in there so we Christians can feel they are reaching out to us… but at the same time, they are reaching out to the psycho fanatical muslims (I believe the red in the Oreos may represent the spilled blood of the infidels {ie: you and me} ). So, yeah, Nabisco is not only reaching out to you and me… they are also reaching out to the freaks who would like to slice our heads off with big kitchen knifes and watch our blood splatter across the snow on a brisk winter day.

    God bless you, Nabisco, and a very merry Christmas!

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