Nov 20

What’s the deal with this year’s “Winter Oreos”?  My wife recently bought a pack of Winter Oreos because our whole family loves nothing more than chocolaty wafers stuffed with sugar-enveloped lard.  Mmmm.  What strikes me about the Winter Oreos is the color Nabisco decided on for the lard filling.

What colors do you think of for winter?  I think, of course, of white, but the filling in an Oreo is normally white, so that wouldn’t work for a “seasonal variation.”  Blue also comes to mind (I don’t exactly know why… I think it’s because companies market winter stuff in blue; you know, like all the stupid snowman decorations with the blue hats and blue scarves… you never see snowman decorations with a scarf that happens to be a lovely shade of chartreuse.)  One color that doesn’t naturally pop into my head for winter is… red.  Nabisco has decided that red lard is a good way to represent winter?!?  Does anyone get this?  Seriously, red = winter?!?

I’m reminded of my days hunting as a young man with my father in western Montana.  Early morning, before the sun’s up, nestled in a patch of juniper awaiting the sun and the coming of the deer.  The sun peeks over the horizon, casting brilliance on the snow-covered ground but leaving the air frigid; and here come the deer.  Shots ring out and the deer scatter, leaping with unrelenting fury away from certain death… except for the one unlucky chap who takes a slug through the spine.  The hit deer falls immediately and is still.  My father and I approach the motionless, warm body.  As we approach, the large buck’s head moves ever so slightly in our direction.  The buck’s eyes, open-wide and full of fear, lock on my father and me.

“You gonna take care of him?” asks my father.

My shot is the one which struck true. I unsheathe my hunting knife and kneel beside the paralyzed buck.  I make it fast, slicing quick and hard at the throat of the deer with my sharp knife.  A flood of warmth bursts over my hand as the buck’s large eyes roll back into its head; his head relaxes as his last breath escapes his mouth in a mist of white against the cold Montana air.

I stand back and observe the scene.  The buck, almost a winter’s worth of meat for our family, lies still.  The blood from his throat slowly stains the surrounding snow crimson.  And all the while, I’m thinking to myself, “Oh, oh, oh, ice -cold milk and an Oreo cookie.  They forever go together, what a classic combination…”

Seriously… red and winter?!?  I think the folks at Nabisco are just cheap.  You know they are going to have red filling at Christmas (and probably at Valentine’s Day), so instead of having to mix up a batch of blue lard, they just started the red Christmas (Valentine’s Day) lard early and think we consumers are retarded enough that we won’t question what red has to do with winter.

Well for you, Nabisco, I am seriously questioning the red!

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